Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Today In Meaningless Clichés

To be fair, Anthony McCarron wrote this yesterday, but that's not going to stop me from making fun of him for it this morning, Fackers:
They are looking for a right-handed hitter. Sounds like Johnny Damon hasn’t got a shot unless he’s willing to play on the seriously cheap, which isn't likely to happen. So who do you like? Reed Johnson? Jerry Hairston, Jr.? Xavier Nady?

Me, I think they need to add someone, preferably a get-the-uniform-dirty type. But I also think they ought to give Brett Gardner a real chance.
Me, I'd like a keeps-his-uniform-clean-so-he-doesn't-have-to-wash-it-very-often type. Saves money for the team, to say nothing of the benefits for the environment, you know?

I know this "dirty uniform" tag gets tossed around a lot, but what does it actually mean? Someone who steals bases? A guy who is willing to slide to catch the ball? Are extra points awarded for grass stains? (They are harder to remove after all...)

Is it someone who sits Indian-style in the on-deck circle and makes fucking sand castles? Or is it just another meaningless moniker for a scrappy, gritty, feisty, battling, pugnacious, rough-and-tumble bench grunt who plays with a chip on his shoulder (otherwise known as someone who isn't good enough to land a starting job somewhere else)?

McCarron doesn't elaborate on what he means by this at all. He doesn't even offer up even one example of a uniform dirtier that the Yankees could sign. In fact, he sort of implies that Brett Gardner isn't sufficient in his garb grubbying, thus necessitating the acquisition of another shirt stainer.

Is this filthy enough for you, Anthony? Does Reed Johnson meet your standards of uncleanliness?


  1. Well, Reed Johnson has been known to sport a pretty ugly looking goatee. That might be enough to satisfy McCarron

  2. Somehow, Reed Johnson needs to play on the same team as Jayson Werth so they can have an ugly goatee contest.

    Hell, the Phillies already have Blanton and did have Meyers, if they could get Johnson and eventually Bobby Jenks, they'd have the gold standard bad-goatee team.

  3. Yanks would have to send Gaudin their way too

  4. Maybe Matt Clement would be willing to give it another go 'round?

  5. I forgot how bad Gaudin's was. That thing was downright offensive. The guy looked like Zoidberg from Futurama.

  6. We can three fourths of the Red Sox roster to the list. Those guys look an early 90s Seattle band.

  7. so no one wants to throw JJ Putz name into this? He may not have a goatee, but these guys with their soul patches have to go. they look like assholes.

  8. The All-Asshole Facial Hair team. Sounds like something for a future slow-news day.